


i never had a heart to mend

by orphan_account



Category: UnREAL (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:26:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel went from looking at her with unperturbed lust to something more affectionate. Dare Quinn even think it, something akin to love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i never had a heart to mend

**Author's Note:**

> i've recently gotten obsessed with this show and i LOVE this relationship. this takes place pre-series and all the way up to the season one finale. i love the headcanon that they used to have a thing but quinn didn't love rachel how she wanted. but this is in quinn's pov because i find it interesting how often quinn will go to bat for rachel and how soft she is around her compared to everyone else. so. alas. 
> 
> also, listen to starring role by marina and the diamonds, it's totally rachel-when-quinn. :')

Quinn and Rachel are holed up inside Quinn's office, sharing a bottle of vodka.

Another season of this fuckshow has just ended and the ratings are sky high. Highest in years. They're celebrating. Rachel pours Quinn another shot.

"Tryin' to get me drunk, Goldie?" Quinn jokes and she doesn't miss the way Rachel swallows thickly and refuses to meet her eyes.

Of course, Rachel doesn't answer her question and Quinn never expected her to. But it's just too good of an opportunity to miss out on teasing her. Quinn dips her index finger into her shot glass and brings it up to Rachel's mouth. 

Brown eyes wide, Rachel takes the digit into her mouth. Hesitantly, as if Quinn was going to take it away at the last moment. She waited a few moments before pulling her hand into her lap and downing the shot.

Rachel stares at her hungrily and Quinn leans forward, their noses touching.

"Quinn--" 

"Shut up," Quinn whispers and she pounces. Rachel's body is trapped between her own and the couch, and she's so pliant and willing and responsive. 

And that was how it started.

* * *

 

All of the crew are standing in front of the monitors, back to work with another season of this damn show. Quinn as a walkie permanently attached to her hand, bitching into it -- can't anyone do anything right? 

" _Where_ is Rachel? Get her out there to fix this shit!" 

Sure enough, everything gets settled and there they have their opening night. Ratings will be fantastic, Quinn can sense it. She gives Rachel a small smile and she returns it.

"Quinn," Chet barks. "Your office in five minutes."

By now, everyone knows what this means. Quinn catches Rachel flinch, then meets her eye for a moment. Rachel turns away first.

In her office, Chet is waiting on the couch for her. He already has his pants unbuttoned and unzipped, the bastard.

She shimmies her dress up to her hips and climbs on top of him.

"Are you fucking Rachel?" he asks just as she sinks down.

She looks at him with mild annoyance. He knows she hates when he talks during sex. It's a turn off.

"Why?" she goads, coaxing her hips into quick movements. "Are you jealous you didn't get there first?" 

Her stomach twists at the possibility of his answer and she can't pinpoint why. His fingers dig into her hips. 

"Or," she continues, moving her lips to his ear, "are you jealous I have a piece on the side?" 

He comes. She doesn't. 

* * *

 

Quinn is starting to get frustrated. She's been talking to Rachel for almost a half hour about how she wants the promo to be edited for the upcoming episode, and Rachel's focusing more on her mouth than the words coming out of them.

It takes all of her willpower not to snap at her. 

"How about we take a break," Rachel suggests. And for a moment, Quinn thinks of dismissing her because  _she is not that easy._ But she's still buzzing from not getting off earlier that day and who is she to stop Rachel when she gets to her knees and parts Quinn's thighs? 

After Quinn is settled back against her chair with her skirt unzipped and completely discarded on the floor (Rachel is not one for subtly or finesse), Rachel gets to work. She knows better than to tease her so her tongue flicks insistently against her and Quinn grabs a handful of brown hair. 

Her body goes rigid and she lets out a breathy little moan, closing her eyes and keeping company with the stars dancing behind her eyelids.

She and Rachel never say anything after these encounters. In fact, normally Quinn is the first one to leave. This time, though, it was Rachel. She wipes her mouth on her sleeve and fixed Quinn with a hard stare before heading for the door. 

"Please tell me you have the brain to remember that  _this is just sex_ , Rachel," Quinn practically snarls. And she's not just saying that. This is just sex to her. Does she feel affection and attraction toward Rachel? Hell, yeah, she does. But she doesn't feel a romantic pull toward her. 

"Message received, loud and clear. Boss." And then Rachel's gone and Quinn is left seething in her chair. 

* * *

 Quinn is on the floor of her office, typing furiously on her phone, while Rachel is panting on the couch. Her shirt is all twisted and her panties are stuck around her knees. 

"Jeremy asked me out," Rachel tells her after she's caught her breath. Her voice is scratchy.

She doesn't even look at Rachel. "And? Just don't break him too much, he's good at his job."

"That's all you're going to say?" 

Quinn puts her phone and looks up at Rachel, her eyes going slightly cold. She's not necessarily shocked by this either, because Rachel went from looking at her with unperturbed lust to something more affectionate. Dare Quinn even think it, something akin to love.

She doesn't know how to talk to her about this. Rachel is one person she doesn't want to hurt. She cares for her. She just doesn't know how to tell her this, or how to show it, without giving her false hope. She's also shit at heart-to-hearts. 

"He'll be good for you. He's nice." 

"Quinn -" 

"Rachel," she says in a tone that suggests she's not playing around. "I thought you were the type of woman who knew what relationships like this are. If you can't get it through your head that all I want from you is for you to do your job and occasionally be my lady-lover, then I clearly made a massive mistake." She picks up her phone. "Now get out and do your damn job." 

Okay, so that didn't go the way she wanted. And she felt something almost like guilt pull at her heart when she caught the momentary dejected look on Rachel's face before she slammed her office door behind her. 

* * *

Quinn sees Rachel less on a personal level after this. She's still fantastic at her job but as she notices her and Jeremy get closer, she notices how sloppy her work is becoming.

And then the finale catastrophe happens. Before this, they had maybe... three nights together. She had no idea where Rachel's head was at but she could see she wasn't okay, and she was ashamed she couldn't see this happen. She was also angry, that Rachel would let her personal life interfere. That was a big no-no.

She crashes the Ferrari. There's some lawsuits.

Rachel tries to call Quinn a few times and Quinn doesn't answer any single time. Not until she gets a voicemail from her saying she wants to get back to work and, with desperation, that she wants to be like the old Rachel. That she can do this. 

She calls her back. And when the little mess comes back home, she feels the need to protect her more than she had before. 

When Shia showed blondie the tape, the twat, Quinn automatically went to Rachel's defense, "what? None of you have ever had a bad day? Get out!" She even went so far as to tell Rachel, "believe it or not, I care about you." Because  _she does._ She may not love her the way Rachel wants Quinn to love her, but damn it if she doesn't care about her.

* * *

Things are starting to get messy between them, and Quinn figures that out when she's standing in Rachel's space and her fingers clamp around her cheeks to force the smaller woman to look at her.

"Get me something I can use," she whispers to Rachel, her voice dangerously low. And she ignores the feeling in her gut when she sees Rachel's face, the tear that slips down her cheeks. This isn't personal, this is  _business_ and she needs Rachel to get her head in the game.

And then just like that, when Rachel fixes her shit, they're sitting on a sofa to watch the bimbo's fight, sharing a cigarette.

"My mom thinks I'm seriously ill." Quinn resists the urge to roll her eyes. "Mental," Rachel adds in a sing-song.

"There is nothing wrong with you," Quinn tells her. She gestures to Grace and Anna. "You're a genius."

They're silent for a moment.

"I'm never getting out of here."

Quinn looks at her. "Why would you want to? You're home." 

And then they sit, sharing the cigarette, not talking. Like old times. And Quinn thinks maybe, just  _maybe,_ this can work out.

* * *

 

It doesn't. Not when Rachel starts getting all into her head. Quinn goes up to the ledge and they're talking, she brushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Holy crap, that's a nice ring." 

Bingo.

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Rachel repeats.

"So you need to suck it up and do your job." 

If she wants to make this personal, so be it. Quinn can handle that. But Quinn can sense Rachel is having some form of attachment toward Adam, and this is such a rookie move. "Why are you letting Adam get all up in your vag? He's a prop, Rachel," she spits.

What Quinn  _cannot_ handle is Rachel spewing nonsense about not wanting to be a manipulative bitch. Not when Rachel came to her, and told her she could do this. 

She sets her straight, with a laugh and a smile, "well, let me tell you sweetheart. There's no sense fighting that. It's who we are."

Rachel walks away.

"Where are you going?"

"To be a manipulative bitch."

And it's a small victory. 

* * *

 Quinn cannot  _believe_ Rachel was stupid enough to fuck a suitor. Moreover, she cannot believe that Rachel was stupid enough to want to run away with a suitor. With some clever words, she got Adam to break it off with Rachel. 

"I want you to understand, I'm not a monster," she tells Adam after he returns. "And neither are you. Rachel can seduce anybody. That's why I'm here, to protect her from herself." And this isn't a lie or a line, or whatever shit. She really is trying to just... make sure she's okay. 

Rachel comes to her office later that day, looking like Lady Gaga, and telling Quinn that she wants Adam to be dumped on his wedding day. And Quinn can't help but smile, because Rachel is back. Her Rachel, the Rachel she adores, is back.

And what a return this is. Between her staring at her mouth and finding Quinn ways to get back at Chet, it's like old times.

When they're in London, she's almost sure it's going to work out for Rachel. She thought Jeremy, sweet Jeremy, was going to propose to her. She doesn't expect him to completely break her heart in front of everyone, and that's not okay with her. Not when they're here in London and they have a finale to film.

She lets Rachel stay with her that night. It's not uncomfortable. And she debates pretending to be asleep when Rachel spoons against her during the night.

"Rac-"

"Quinn, please," she whispers into her neck.

And Quinn's not so heartless. And she kind of doesn't mind being held by a woman whose come so far. 

Their plan goes exactly how they wanted it to, better. Her Rachel is back, the one willing to do anything for a good show. She's back, and Quinn can't be happier.

They lounge on chairs outside, Quinn has two glasses of champagne. Rachel is questioning Quinn but she is deflecting and she reclines, covering up why she protected Rachel with crude words.

Rachel even goes so far as to threaten her, saying, "just no murder next season, okay? At least not with the contestants. Behind the scenes, I can't be so sure."

"Excuse me?" 

"I'm sure Jeremy'd like to see me dead, for example," Rachel covers up after a moment, thinking better than to pick a fight.

Quinn snorts. "Yeah, well, he gives you any trouble, I'll have his head."

They don't say anything for a short while, Rachel just looks at her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, tell me."

More silence.

"I love you," Rachel tells her. "You know that right?"

Yes. She does. But what does she say to that? She wasn't prepared for this emotion right after being threatened by Rachel. Or at all. She's almost struck silent.

"I love you, too," she says finally.

And she thinks  _maybe,_ that Rachel understands she truly does love her. Not in the way Rachel wants, but maybe now... Rachel thinks it's enough. And that's all Quinn wants.

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna follow me on twitter my handle is quinnkings and my tumblr is janineskorskys! <3


End file.
